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PastPoop7/5/2003-So I was balls deep in a hooker when the wife walks in...So, have you ever had one of those days where everything that could go bad went worse?I`m sure we all have, and today was my turn. Now, I`m not one to whine, so I try and compare my situation with those who are by far in worse condition than I. I mean come on, I still have both my testicles, I can sustain an erection for longer than a minute, and I`m not Richard Simmons. But I do have an Asshat of a coworker. 
I see stupid people... So today I had to go in on my day off and work, and low and behold I had to stay two hours over because my coworker forgot that I left at 3:00 p.m. and went out doing stuff leaving me to man the office alone, that fucker. 
The devil is amongst us! I wasn`t very pleased about this. As the hours passed on I imagined myself taking a hot shit on his forehead while Santa Claus spanked him with a sock full of coal screaming `You`ve been a naughty boy, oh yes you have you silly little scamp!` Okay, it wasn`t my coworker, it was Liv Tyler. And I was in my room masturbating like a retard with a Victoria`s Secret ad. And it wasn`t Santa, it was Pol Pot. But everything else was true to the letter exept I left out the whole kittens in the ass thing. Now I could suck this up as a life lesson, move on, and sell the story to the `oxygen` channel or whatever naziesque ultrafem TV networks out there that are trying to castrate us men by dumping birth control pills into the water table thus reducing our sperm count. Well fuck you Oxygen! I drink bottled water, and my boys are swimming like a motherfucker! Now make my dinner bitch! Or, I could go the immature route, have the world look down on me, and feel alot better about life. With that in mind I decided to hunt down a small child and pee on it. Alot. With the pee. 
My goal I started my rightious quest right after work. I hear these `small children` like to `play`. I have no idea what this `play` is because I`m a Computer Scientist, which is the closest thing to a robot that a human being can be. From what our lord and savior the TV says, children play by taking guns to school and perforating as many people as they can because Daddy beat them with a carp or something. With that in mind I headed to the nearest school, which happend to be `Miss Lilly`s School for Special Children`. I jumped the gate and found the nearest `small child`. I pulled my unit out and aimed it ever so carefully. Just then the parent of this `small child` came out. He seemed rather upset that I had my penis pointed at his child, and tried to break it off my body. I took some defensive measures. First by shooting a quick and powerfull stream of urine into his right eye, secondly by running away real fast. 
An artist rendition of the angry parent, with liberties taken The angry parent was hot on my tail, so I started screaming `Help! An angry minority is chasing me! He`s got a gun and likes to sleep with white women!`. A near by policeman, Gawd bless him, heard my plea and shot down that angry parent. I thanked the police officer and walked away, happy that at least I still had my penis. I also learned a lesson, and that is if you intend to pee on a `small child`, you must do it quick. Don`t worry about aim, just go. The rest will take care of itself. You`re welcome. -BarnyardMessiah |
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